Musings of an Undercover Yogi

There are husbands who know all the photogenic angles of their wife better than the lady herself. This rare species of husbands louuuv photographing their jaana, shona, or babe, and make such photoshoots delightful. They look for opportunities to click their jaana, shona, or babe. A shona need ask only once and they jump up with the camera, aiming to please. Sometimes, a jaana need not even ask! They make the wife-next-door look like a Femina cover page model.

And then, there’s my husband dearest. My Darling Poochikoo Koochipoo (MDPK). Fifteen years of marriage and maan-obhimaan (drama/roothna-manana) later, MDPK volunteers to click my pictures on Durga Pujo and Kaali Pujo. What do you know, he even insists! Oh joy, MDPK even gets the camera angle right! Just as I wonder how to contain such an outpouring of joy, there, it happens.

Thirty years from now, I’m sure MDPK won’t feel the need to click my pictures from a mandatory distance of two kilometres! Every damn thing in the surrounding should get a better focus than her seems like his revenge mantra, I tell you. Just that thirty years later, I’ll be 70 if I’m fortunate enough to live. I suspect by then, I’d insist he maintain that two-kilometre distance to avoid close-ups of my wrinkles! Coming back to the recent past, that is, pandal-hopping and a quick photo session on Kaali Pujo night.

MDPK: Better look at your pictures right now, don’t crib later.

We both look in silence… that stretches into… let’s just say, longer silence. He takes whole of two minutes to pick on the ‘somethin’s wrong, Bubba’ vibe.

Finally, wiser but with a blank face, MDPK: What?

Zooming in in slow-motion, me: The angle is good, but doesn’t this look blurry to you?

Zooming in further, MDPK: That’s ok, no one’s gonna zoom in to your picture to look at you.

Silence all around.

With a dubious look at my face, MDPK: Will they?

Maintaining record-breaking calm, me: Will who what?

With an expression best described as a hybrid of ‘thoroughly irritated’ and ‘utterly uninterested’ but ‘fearing the repercussions,’ MDPK: Will whoever… anyone… zoom in? O forget it, just pose again.

Unsure if I should be offended at the dazzling expression and the award-winning tone, my forehead crinkles momentarily. I could take this opportunity to cancel the shoot and delightfully sulk for what’s left of the night and the whole of next day. Has to be a split-second decision though. I smoothen my crinkles, swipe a part of my hair from back to front, go back to pose, and smile. I am shameless! 😂

– Bijita Dhar