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Exam fever
Posted October 1, 2021
on:- In: dreams | exams | Friends | Incidents | Life | nightmare | student life | Terror
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Her palms were sticky, forehead covered in beads of sweat. It was time. Already? Where did two hours go? As her classmates submitted their answer sheets, her mind raced, trying to focus. She hadn’t finished. Damn! The forgotten nuances were nagging her now! She sat clutching her answer sheet hard with both hands, trying to remember what was taught.
Suddenly, she found herself surrounded. Her vision blurred. Her friends stood in tall shadows around her, forming a circle. “Did you finish? What do you need?” She looked around, past her friends. Silhouettes were moving forward to handover their sheets, some were chitchatting, some leaving. Heart pounding, she looked over her shoulder, through the gap between two friends, towards the larger desk. Her vision cleared. Ma’am L sat at her desk, calmly receiving and organizing answer sheets in bundles. She was focused at her task.
Her friends opened textbooks and notebooks, quickly pointing to various passages, clarifying her doubts. Everything fell in place as she tried to fit the previously forgotten nuances among the answers she had already written. She scribbled furiously in vertical margins, and in between horizontal lines filled with beautiful, black handwriting. Finally, she finished. It was time to submit the answer sheet.
A look at the clock told her that she was late by 20 minutes. Worrying about a severe reprimand, she handed over the sheets to Ma’am L, who took them in loud silence. Not once did she look at her. What a relief that Ma’am L is so kind and considerate, she thought. Peace washed over her.
Suddenly, scrolling through the results list, she couldn’t find her name. Roll number 6. Damn! Where’s roll no. 6? Lemme check again. 1, 2, 3, … here’s 6. A stranger’s name. Swept by confusion and dread, she checked the names of the previous 5 roll numbers. Yep, all correct, all her friends. So her name wasn’t on the list.
Like sensation returns slowly to a paralyzed body part, the understanding came to her in slow-motion. She was expelled! In utter panic, she went to talk to Ma’am L. It was a Friday. Ma’am L looked at her for what felt like the first time in a long time. “Go home, get some rest,” she said with her trademark calm. “We’ll discuss this on Monday.” What will I tell my parents, she thought, hyperventilating.
And that’s how I woke up this morning. Hyperventilating from the dream (nightmare?). Today was the last day of my daughter’s half-yearly exams. Ma’am L happens to be her homeroom teacher. Just that in the nightmare, I was the unfortunate roll number 6! 😰🤢🥶🥵
– Bijita Dhar
- In: Hubby | Incidents | Jagannath | Life | Spirituality
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Praying to deities was a childhood habit I picked up from family and society. My understanding of prayers was sketchy and misguided. Prayers meant requesting the divine for something or the other, usually wish-fulfillment. Be it a simple wish, like the well-being of a dear one, or a complex one, like finding an ‘ideal’ spouse. Occasionally, prayers conveyed gratitude or took the form of negotiation with the divine. If you fulfill this or that, I shall offer you this or that. In this world of requests and negotiations, my connection with the divine was almost non-existent. Naturally, I forgot Maa’s story of Jagannath and my hair[2] over the years that followed.
In her younger years, my daughter wanted to worship Ganesha at home during Ganesh Chaturthi. The problem was, Ganesha worship during Chaturthi, done once, must be continued for 3 or 5 successive years; breaks are considered inauspicious. I was unsure about that kind of commitment, so we never enshrined Ganesha. I prayed as needed but never felt the need for deity worship at home. Until Sadhguru found me.
Sadhguru’s life energies consecrated as Devi Linga Bhairavi created havoc in me months before she arrived. My beloved Devi came to me, somewhat forcefully, a few years ago. How she came to me is a beautiful story, maybe for another time. Until Devi arrived, my understanding of deities was limited to mythology, folklore, and television shows, which were other people’s interpretations of scriptures I never read. Sadhguru taught me how to connect with Devi minus the typical drama called praying. Slowly, Devi demolished my preconceived notions about divinity and the divine. Life went on as usual until this June.
Suddenly, I was bombarded with images of Lord Jagannath on and off social media. Posts featuring the Lord and his siblings (the trio), woven or handpainted on sarees from Odisha, found me on Facebook. An Instagram channel posted about a mysterious, potent energy form, believed to be the remains of Lord Krishna, existing inside the wooden idols in Shri Jagannathpuri. We’ve been at my husband’s family home in Bengal for months now. Just before the Ratha Jatra festival, I saw a large framed photograph of the trio hanging above the entrance of a room. I was stunned because that photo escaped my notice all the while we’ve been here. The trio was everywhere, forcing my attention. And then, I received the beautiful artwork of Jagannath as a gift from my friend Vinayak[1]. I didn’t quite know what to do with it other than look at it and then look at it some more. The mischief on the Lord’s face kept reminding me of my daughter and nephew. I kept the artwork in its envelope and the envelope inside the almirah.
![](https://colorsofatulip.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/our-trio.jpg?w=960)
I grew up in Nashik, and my daughter grew up in Noida. Ratha Jatra isn’t celebrated in either city, at least not at the community level. So we never got a chance to pull Jagannath’s Ratha (chariot). In the past, I saw photos of little ones, the children of friends and cousins in Bengal, pulling miniature chariots[2]. How I wished my daughter could celebrate similarly! Because this was our first Ratha Jatra in Bengal, I wanted to fulfill this wish by purchasing a chariot for her. Deb was unsure if those would be found as markets here were closed due to the lockdown. Disappointed, I dropped the thought.
I woke up on the morning of the Ratha Jatra, not knowing what lay in store for me. As I tackled morning chores, my mind wandered back to the envelope in the almirah. I was in a dilemma. Should I leave the artwork in its envelope? Should I worship it? What’s it with this artwork? Towards the end of every summer vacation in Bengal, without fail, my maternal grandma handed nested rolls of the Bengali solar calendar to Maa. Each calendar had glossy pictures of deities, dates marking regional and national festivals, and more. Returning to Nashik, Baba hung the calendars in our home as references for the rest of the year. We follow the same practice in our Noida home but not once have I felt the need to worship any deity on the calendar. And now, a printout made me restless!
Besides, from the time Devi came home, she has been our one-and-only. Used to her ways, which are different from regular deity worship, I was apprehensive about the unknown. Does Jagannath worship require specific rituals or chants? What if I made a mistake and did something I shouldn’t have? I also realized that we didn’t have an appropriate space here to place the artwork. Absentmindedly, I started clearing stuff from my mother-in-law’s dressing table, thinking of cleaning it and keeping the artwork on it.
Minutes later, Deb entered with a dust-coated wooden chariot, bought from an obscure shop after visiting several closed markets. Our girl abandoned her online classes to admire the Ratha. I wanted to place small wooden idols of the trio inside but learned that those are only available in local fairs, which have been suspended since the pandemic began. I was delighted anyway. I told my family that I’d clean the Ratha, place the artwork inside, and worship it. I didn’t realize when Deb stepped out again and bought a small framed photo of the trio and marigold garlands. In response to my questioning look, he said that if I have decided to worship Jagannath, I may as well do it properly. It was a pleasant surprise because Deb doesn’t spend hours on deity worship or buy pictures of deities. That was all I needed; my dilemmas and restlessness vanished.
Starting the arrangements for the puja, I cleaned the Ratha and decorated it with marigold garlands. Inside the chariot, I placed Devi’s photo on a new red cloth, which I received earlier from the ashram. Unsure whether to worship the Jagannath artwork or the framed picture of the trio, I enshrined each alternately. Next, I offered flowers and leaves from the neighbor’s garden. I was relieved to find a ripe mango, sweets, green grams, and organic peanuts at home. Stoneware from Bankura bought months ago was put to good use for serving the offerings. After lighting the lamp, I took a few moments to simply admire the scene. How beautifully everything came together despite the confusion and lack of planning!
![](https://colorsofatulip.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/trio_offerings.jpg?w=766)
![](https://colorsofatulip.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/humble_scene.jpg?w=766)
Finishing my daily sadhana (yogic/spiritual practices), I moved to Jagannath. Like I sometimes speak with Devi, I told Jagannath to forgive any mistakes I may make. With that, I connected with the Lord as I connect with Devi. It was intense and beautiful! As I wrapped up, my girl surprised me by doing an aarti for Jagannath and Devi, offering food, and prostrating before the deities.
Then came the fun part. After lunch, Yatika took the deities out into the verandah for a ride. We realized that the Ratha is wobbly as one wheel is smaller than the rest. Nevertheless, thrilled to be dragging a chariot for the first time, she overlooked a bump on the floor. Wham! The Ratha crashed on the floor. My girl was horrified! Worried that the deities were hurt, she ran to me. Straightening the chariot and its contents, I assured her that the divine ones are not wounded. On the contrary, they are so delighted that they are up already, waiting for her to continue the ride.
![](https://colorsofatulip.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/first_chariot_dragging.jpg?w=1024)
The festival fell on a Monday this year, the day of Yatika’s weekly tests. Unexpectedly in the evening, her friends dropped by when she was in the middle of the test. One of the girls had a super tiny chariot, and she wanted to share the fun of dragging it on the road with her friends. So the mother-daughter duo collected her friends one by one. While the Mom waited outside with the chariot, the girls came in to call Yatika. Hearing the commotion, my girl came out, leaving her exam incomplete. While they processed that Yatika may not join them, their disappointed expressions melted me. I told all of them to watch out for traffic and return in 10 minutes. The girls whooped in joy and ran out! Their delight was so contagious that even I followed them and joined the mother. The kids walked up and down the alley, dragging the Ratha individually and collectively, chattering all the while. My friend and I walked close behind, occasionally herding the lot away from traffic. Thankfully, the passersby didn’t stop to join the procession. The sight was indeed a dream come true! We returned home soon to let Yatika continue her exam. Watching the pictures I clicked, I gasped at the realization that we forgot to wear masks while on the road. Having followed Covid-appropriate protocols since the pandemic began, I was worried about the first big slip. By the grace of the Lord, we are safe.
![](https://colorsofatulip.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/chariot_dragging_friends.jpg?w=766)
The divine surprises continue well past the festival. My friend who accompanied the kids that day was initiated into the spiritual journey at the tender age of nine. Well-versed in scriptures, she narrated the captivating story about how the first idols of the trio came into existence. I realized that the Instagram post about Jagannath’s connection with Krishna matches her tale, though some details differ. We visited an ailing, elderly relative days after the Ratha Jatra. I was pleasantly shocked to see a colorful, intricately carved, inch-sized metal statue of the trio kept on top of their old television. Behind the television, a carved wooden replica of the trio hung on the wall. Before the second wave of the Covid pandemic, I spent a few happy days at their home. These artifacts were at their usual place but had escaped my notice. While returning from their home, I looked outside our auto-rickshaw, not really seeing anything, when a splash of bright colors caught my eye. You guessed it! Caught a glimpse of a huge wall painting of the trio outside a shop before our auto whisked past. You guessed it again! Had missed it on my previous trips. Yesterday morning, the first thing I saw on Facebook was an artwork of the trio made by a relative.
The Lord has made me long for the next Ratha Jatra already! I’d love to visit Puri in the future, hopefully before heading back to Noida. I forgot to place a lock of my daughter’s hair before the chariot this time. Have reserved that bit of history for next year. Joy Jogonnath!
Post #1 in the Triology: https://colorsofatulip.wordpress.com/2021/07/10/the-divine-gift/
Post #2: https://colorsofatulip.wordpress.com/2021/07/12/jagannath-and-i-a-shared-history/
- In: Artwork | creativity | Friends | Life | Spirituality
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I met him on Facebook, bantering with a mutual friend in the comments section of a post. Their goofy exchanges in deliberately twisted, sometimes Hindified Bangla were hilarious. It wasn’t long before I started liking their comments. Gradually, I butted in their conversations, something I seldom do otherwise. Both of them welcomed my intrusions with open arms. At that point, exchanging friend requests with him felt like a mere formality.
This friend, the exceptionally talented Vinayak Kharat, is an artist, a musician, singer, writer, and I don’t know what other talents lie hidden in his treasure chest! One wouldn’t realize he’s a Maharashtrian if one read his exchanges with Bengali friends. I’m told of his proficiency in Bangla and remarkable understanding of the Bengali culture.
We bonded over posts, and a few exchanges later, our conversations moved to occasional chats in messenger. He lost his father last year, and his post announcing the same touched me deeply, making me reach out in person. From his post, I realized both our fathers shared similarities. I couldn’t stop myself from tagging him when I wrote a long memoir to celebrate my father’s 70th birthday last year. I cherish our few but meaningful conversations because I relate with him on various levels.
Earlier this week, while resting because of ill health, I was pleasantly surprised to see his ping, politely requesting my postal address as he wished to send me a ‘little something’ for Ratha Jatra. Lord Jagannath has been one of the common factors between us three friends. Though I’ve never worshipped Jagannath, been to Puri, or witnessed the gaiety during Rath Jatra. That hasn’t stopped the devotee in me from bowing down with equal devotion to all phenomenal beings, irrespective of religions and communities.
Perhaps that’s why Lord Jagannath found His way to our home today, having traveled from Mumbai snuggled in an envelope! Sharing Vinayak’s thoughtful and generous gift, his own digital creation, an exquisite artwork depicting the beautiful and intricate Jagannath peeking from behind the door as if playing Peekaboo. His playfulness is so evident in his posture! I saw this artwork a few days ago when Vinayak shared it with me virtually but holding it in my hands is an entirely different experience altogether! I can’t stop looking at the details. Those huge piercing eyes, the nose pin, the neckpiece, and that mischievous grin. From his silk attire to the ornamented door, there’s nothing to not love in the entire frame!
![](https://colorsofatulip.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/img_20210710_170354901.jpg?w=1024)
The artwork came wrapped in oodles of warmth in the form of his handwritten letter. I’ve always been a long-letters girl. Nothing delights me more than receiving a letter, which I haven’t in a long time. What a welcome break from being the one expected to write! For a change, I sat with my daughter reading his letter, smiling from ear to ear. Yatika has an interesting question, Vinayak. Quote Mumma, why has Uncle written Bijita ji? You guys are friends, right? I never call my friends ‘ji!’ unquote.
My dear Vinayak, thanking you on messenger would’ve been such a shame! So here’s my ‘little something’ for you, my profound gratitude post. Cheers to our friendship and your talent! May you grow leaps and bounds. Stay healthy, stay safe, bondhu!
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